The BOSS OF ME blog

Once upon a time, I met a client who would later become my boss. His name was Brent. One of my colleagues often remarked, “I don’t know what I would do if I had a normal boss,” because normal and boring are words no soul on earth would ever use to describe myBoss Brent.

You see, despite perfectly fitting the physical description of a typical boss-type person with his spiffy suits, respectable spectacles, and blue steel stare, myBoss Brent had many distinguishable traits that separated him from his managerial peers, and likely one of the reasons he often described himself as a “Doberman in a Poodle’s body.”

Throughout our years together, myBoss Brent demonstrated many unique and inspiring leadership and motivational techniques. Brent led by example, obsessed about having fun at work and certainly taught me a thing or two about being a boss.

1. How to lead by example.

One of myBoss Brent’s defining traits was his ability to lead by example. Thanks to one very memorable and completely impromptu ‘leadership moment,’ I knew you should not call your colleagues “assholes” and definitely not call them “assholes” while speaking at an employee town hall meeting with hundreds of co-workers and management types in attendance. myBoss Brent did this once, needless to say, it did not go over well with senior management. So now, even if my colleagues are assholes, I know not to call them that, especially not in a public forum with a microphone in my hand.

2. How to fill an undesirable position that no one will take.

I know what you’re thinking: “How undesirable can this job be? In this economy, I don’t even care what the job is. I’ll take it.” Sorry folks, this position was available several years ago. For reference purposes, the job was in IT Procurement and at the time, no one really knew what IT Procurement was all about. Job responsibilities seemed to include: negotiating software contracts, purchasing computer hardware and figuring out what the hell ‘The Cloud’ was. Nobody really knew what the job actually entailed, but the one thing everyone was sure about, was that nobody wanted to do it. So, alongside Lumberjack, Port-o-Potty Cleaner and Taser Tester, IT Procurement was viewed by all who happened upon the confounding job vacancy, as one of the world’s most undesirable jobs. Undaunted by the seemingly impossible task of filling the vacancy on his team, myBoss Brent presented what he described as the most novel, bleeding-edge and titillating ‘Career Development Opportunity’ to his most valued employee, a.k.a: his employee who routinely called her fellow colleagues “assholes” in forums both public and not.

I’ve been working in IT Procurement ever since, probably because I am now very leery of ‘Career Development Opportunities’ and despite a spectacular ‘leadership moment’ example of what not to call your colleagues in a public forum, my ability to learn the complex leadership technique required to ‘not call my colleagues “assholes,”’ continues to elude me.

3. How to make your employee happy after just saddling them with one of the world’s most undesirable jobs.

After starting my new ‘Career Development Opportunity’ in one of the world’s least desirable jobs, I most certainly expressed dissatisfaction to myBoss Brent. As an intuitive boss who genuinely cared about his team, he understood the situation was dire, and undoubtedly was fearful I might start to leave empty lunch containers in his office garbage bin as a form of malodorous revenge. Having already provided me with the best job title and salary the company could muster for a female employee, I suspect myBoss Brent turned to the most recent staff satisfaction survey for clues as to how he could further enrich the lives of his employees. Uncovering that one’s coworkers were a key-determining factor in ensuring an employee’s happiness at work, Brent aimed high and set out to find me a best friend. Clearly, he had no confidence in my ability to find a spouse on my own (Work Related), why should a best friend be any different? So, myBoss Brent created another ‘Career Development Opportunity’ for an unsuspecting former summer student from a different department and voila, I had a best friend. My best friend is still working for the company as I suspect she too has also become suspicious of ‘Career Development Opportunities.’

4. How to provide incentives and recognition to employees recently presented with ‘Career Development Opportunities.’

Now, finding himself with at least two reasonably happy employees, myBoss Brent decided it was important to further incentivize his team. Seeing as his only previous experience with such programs seemed to consist of writing himself thank you cards from charity organizations he never volunteered at and leaving his empty lunch containers in subordinates’ garbage bins, it is not shocking that his version of an employee recognition program would comprise of the following:

• Recognition – myBoss Brent would select an employee at random and announce to everyone at the monthly staff meeting that the randomly selected employee was #1. He would also take this opportunity to advise the remainder of the team of their current place on the employee rating scale. Options consisted of 7 of 5, 12 of 7, 42 of 26, and on occasion, ‘Jenny’s poodle – Casey.’
• Reward – With great ceremony, Brent would bestow upon the randomly selected employee designated as #1, a framed picture of his head photo-shopped onto a fireman’s body, along with a stuffed company mascot.

And as with all excessively frugal organizations, fictitious recognition programs and employees who love their bosses beyond all reasonableness, the ‘reward’ was simply re-gifted each month until a few short months later, the personally inscribed and autographed ‘reward’ finally found its permanent home on my desk.

5. How to ensure your employees have fun at work.

MyBoss Brent’s philosophy was simple – you make them. More specifically, you make them laugh. For example, while proclaiming, “I hate boring” as he walked down the office hallway, Brent would often drop into an unsuspecting subordinate’s office with an air freshener and spray liberally. The obnoxious spray torrent was welcomed by the office’s occupant as Brent had just dumped his stinky lunch container in their trash a mere two hours earlier. This prank was hilarious to Brent and probably instigated the ‘scent-free’ policy the company now has today. The air freshener also came in handy when a supplier once farted in his office. Straight-faced and tight-lipped, Brent retrieved the air freshener, sprayed liberally in the suppliers’ direction, and smugly resumed the conversation. Again, this was hilarious, to Brent, to me and sometimes even to our fellow employee with the heavily scented office currently rated as, ‘Jenny’s poodle – Casey.’ The skits, pranks and shenanigans, orchestrated by myBoss Brent were a daily occurrence. Brent inspired us all to loosen up, engage, and have fun.

Being a good boss is a super tough gig. I have tremendous respect for those courageous individuals who put themselves out there and take up the challenge of inspiring others to achieve great and mediocre things within the constraints of company policy, fiscal responsibility and feigned professionalism.

My favourite things about Brent:

• He was genuine, direct and honest,
• He shared his work and life experiences and genuinely cared about my life and happiness,
• He was available; he listened and encouraged open communication,
• He thanked me for my work and contributions,
• He told me and many others that he loved us, often,
• And above all, despite what he may have been feeling on any given day, he made it his mission to make those around him laugh every day.

THE END

In Memoriam

HARBACK, Brent Allan, May 6, 1960 – December 7, 2012

I love you more than any employee should reasonably love their boss. Code of conduct and respectful workplace policies be damned; thank you for bravely sharing your true self with so many.

Lots of people are bosses. None of them are you. None of them ever will be.

I love you buddy and I miss you. Every. Single. Day.