The BOSS OF ME blog

What if you could go back and do it all again? Well, you can’t, so stop thinking about it. The only thing the past is good for is learning from it and reminiscing about the good times. Leave your bad memories and your mistakes behind. If you’re anything like me, your mistakes are never that far behind anyway because you make them several hundred times, before you are sure they are actually mistakes. But that’s okay, I’ve done the research; most everybody else is doing the same thing. People say you shouldn’t compare yourselves to others, the grass isn’t always greener. I disagree. I compare myself to others all of the time and I always come out on top. The grass is never greener, because I only compare myself to those who are less fortunate than me. For example, during the oil slump of ’82, MyBoss Brent was handed a hose and pail and assigned the illustrious task of syphoning gas out of the company cars that had been to be returned to the dealership. That’s right, syphoning gas out of company cars. Can you say fast track? Now, he actually did it and got quite ill from it. He didn’t even do it right. As with most cheapo companies and shitty bosses, this exercise in excessive frugalness ended up costing the company more in refuelling charges than the amount of money actually saved from syphoning the gas. While I imagine it took some serious finesse on MyBoss Brent’s part to coast a fleet of vehicles running on fumes onto a dealership lot, everyone knows you are supposed to leave some fuel in the tank. Ultimately, the gas syphoning exercise was a bad memory for MyBoss Brent, but he provided me with a good reminder that it could always be worse.

Remember, it could always be worse

Your boss just asked you to do something you don’t want to? Your colleagues didn’t invite you to lunch? Your toddler just shoved twenty raspberries through the air vent slats? Think you’re having a bad day? Well, at least you’re not syphoning gas. See? Easy peasy. I was raised to appreciate just how good I had it, and a bad attitude only resulted in getting sent to bed when I didn’t want to go there. Hard to imagine I know, but it happened, once.

Are we taking a nap now?

No, unfortunately. I need a source of income and my current lead; Timmie’s ‘Roll up the Rim to Win’ promotion is ending soon. The other day the guy I’m married to informed me that three cups of coffee and two donuts is not ‘a source of income.’ Whatever. Waiting for a ‘friend’ to say something that will make me a lot of money isn’t turning a profit either. Napping and Netflix were also a bust…so I tried the work-related social networking site LinkedIn.

Jobs Recommended for you

Hmmm, that’s not very encouraging. There’s no need to shake your phone or computer; I already tried that. It’s just blank. The listing of recommended jobs you see above is what came up for me. Many folks would be discouraged by LinkedIn’s ominous review of my qualifications, but not me. I head over to Facebook because I only checked my newsfeed five seconds before and it seems like someone may have syphoned the fuel from my train of thought. And I stumbled upon this:

While pondering how I know so many people who are into ice fishing; the motivational caption above came up on my newsfeed. Upon seeing the photo, I instantly thought, “OMG, it’s me, I’m the kid from high school who’s still trying to make it as a rapper.” I mean, who else could it be? LinkedIn reviewed my skills and experience and came up with nothing. At least Facebook is trying. So, here goes. To the tune of ‘The Shopping Cart,’ by King Jamez made popular by the Staples 2014 back-to-school commercials, I wrote my first rap titled, ‘The Whoopy Shark.’ The ‘Whoopy Shark’ featured in this little ditty, is my daughter. Whoopy Shark is what we used to call her when she’d swim around in my tummy and attack my bladder with her head, and shove her foot in my ribs. Check out the original song on YouTube, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkgw0sCiOyY). If you’re really into it, buy it on iTunes (https://itun.es/us/Is5r2). Be careful though, it’s catchy, and you may be inspired to become a rapper too. Here goes:

The Whoopy Shark

“I am the Whoopy Shark, I do dis, I do dat 

I am the Whoopy Shark, I poop my pants I have a bath

I am the Whoopy Shark, I have lunch I take a nap

I am the Whoopy Shark, I see a boob and I attack!

I am the whoopy Shark, You tickle me and I laugh

 I am the whoopy Shark, You smile at me and I smile back

I am the whoopy Shark, I was born, you do the math!

 I am the Whoopy Shark! You love me, I love you back

I am the Whoopy Shark!

You are screwed.”

Pretty good huh? Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “Don’t quit your day….oops.” “Oops” is right. I don’t have a day, night or part-time job, but thanks for bringing it up. So maybe I’m not destined to marvel the world with my lyrical talents, but at least I’m trying. I’m trying new things. Some things I’m good at, and some things I’m not. I’m the boss of me, so I’ll be the judge.

What is going on here?

When LinkedIn has no job recommendations for you, just keep going and make something happen. I’m doing what I love: talking about myself and sharing it with you. I’m uncovering hidden and unexplored talents. I’m working on learning new things. I’m moving forward. I’m doing things that make me happy. For those folks who are currently unemployed, I encourage you to keep moving forward too. Just keep going. Find things to keep yourself happy, inspired and motivated. Nothing good ever came from having a bad attitude and dwelling on past mistakes and negative experiences. Learn from your mistakes and don’t be discouraged. Sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again: you’re not the only one. Sometimes we get down on our situations or ourselves: you’re not the only one. Sometimes you get so low, you need prescription drugs and therapy to get out of your funk. Guess what? It’s okay; you are not the only one. And remember, somebody, somewhere has it worse than you. So be grateful for what you do have, get your ass in gear and make something happen. Take this time to build the foundation for your future success. Make something happen. Writing may take me someplace or might only cause me to replace several already questionable fashion choices with even more questionable yoga wear. At the very least we’ll have some laughs at my expense while I continue on this journey.

Remember that time I wanted to be a rapper? Remember when you did too?

THE END

Motivational thought of the day: “Driving in your car and that new jam you love comes on and you crank the tune, just knowing that you are going to love this song FOREVER and that you are lying. Right to yourself.”