The BOSS OF ME blog

Do I have what it takes?

Intrigued by the idea of taking the blogging world by storm (or by force or any means necessary), I wondered ‘Do I have what it takes to be successful?’ Exploring the titillating world of writing seemed like a good place to start.

I was wrong.

Having successfully created a website, my research into becoming a writer began. A Google search turned up the following articles:

• Why you shouldn’t be a writer
• 14 reasons why you shouldn’t dream of being a full-time author
• So you want to be a writer? That is Mistake #1

My initial research was not very encouraging so I kept going. I found this article:

• Writer and Editor, Career Information – About.com

Not wanting my first foray into the blogging world to end with an arrest for plagiarism I recreated the photo accompanying the article in About.com.

Things I thought while looking at this photo (or one eerily similar to it):

• “Is this supposed to be a joke?”
• The photo caption is “Tool of the trade.” Hahahahahaahaha.
• “Why does “This Guy” need two pairs of glasses?”
• “This does not inspire me to become a writer. AT. ALL.”

Pictured above is my version of the photo that accompanies a very uninspiring, although likely super-accurate, article about becoming a writer. Well, if “This Guy” didn’t motivate me, I’m sure 14 reasons I shouldn’t even dream about it will.

Quick Tip #1

If you aspire to become a writer, don’t do ANY research. I read approximately a whole bunch of articles on the subject and not one encouraged me in any way, shape, or form. If you want to be a writer I recommend just writing a bunch of stuff. BOOM! You’re a writer! You then need to force, bribe and/or cajole your friends, family and casual acquaintances to read it. If they say: ‘This is crap,’ ‘I wouldn’t read more if you paid me,’ or ‘Hey did you know there’s a job opening at my company?’ then maybe you should try something else.

Quick Tip #2

The word “Titillating” should never be used as a descriptive word for the world of writing: “Depressing” or “Bleak” perhaps and definitely “Uninviting,” but never “Titillating.”

What Now?

At this point, you could say my optimistic foray into the world of writing and my dream of becoming a writer had been royally squashed.

“Squashed like my toddler diabolically squashes her blueberries: squishing then dropping, little FUBARed blueberries, one by one, onto the pristine floor while staring unblinking at my shocked, appalled and disapproving face.

Just kidding! My floor is a perpetual cesspool of crap and I stare right back at her, like a complete idiot, trying not to laugh my ass off, but the coffee spewing out of my nose may have tipped her off that I think her blueberry manoeuvres are hysterical.”

Since I was clearly avoiding cleaning my floor, I decided the time had come to learn something else. After a few hours of pretty intense research into other successful blogs, I knew one thing for certain: I needed some sweet photos. It was time to learn how to use the timer on my iPhone and a few Adobe tools.

Like a toddler with her grubby little fingers on a forgotten iPhone: I point, click, swipe and just about shit my pants every time I learn something new, get something cool to happen or Grandpa answers the phone for FaceTime. While definitely not an efficient or recommended learning strategy: the point-click-swipe-until-something-happens methodology is highly entertaining. You might also learn stuff completely by accident and inadvertently make art!

So what’s next?

• Research what to do when all signs point to NO.

Motivational caption of the day: “Day #52 – the left signal blinker still does not open the garage door. Huh.”

THE END

Sources:

• Susannah Breslin, “Why you shouldn’t be a writer,” Forbes, http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2012/06/12/why-you-shouldnt-be-a-writer/#8b6073adf38b
• Chas Newkey-Burden, “14 reasons why you shouldn’t dream of being a full-time author,” The Telegraph, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/11422473/14-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-dream-of-being-a-full-time-author.html
• Ryan Holiday, “So you want to be a writer? That is mistake #1,” Thought Catalogue, http://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-holiday/2013/07/so-you-want-to-be-a-writer-thats-mistake-1/
• Dawn Rosenberg McKay, “Writer and Editor, Career Information,” About.com, http://careerplanning.about.com/od/occupations/p/writer_editor.htm